Why comparison is the thief of joy

Have you ever scrolled through social media, seen someone’s “highlight reel,” and felt suddenly inadequate? Or compared your performance to someone else’s and found your motivation slipping? You’re not alone. Comparison is a deeply human instinct, but one that can quietly drain joy, confidence, and even performance.

The phrase “comparison is the thief of joy,” often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, captures a truth that modern psychology has spent decades exploring. While comparing ourselves to others can sometimes inspire growth, it more often triggers feelings of envy, self-doubt, and dissatisfaction. Fortunately, understanding why we compare, and how to redirect that habit, can make a profound difference to both wellbeing and performance.

Why Do Humans Compare? The Psychology (and Evolution) of Comparison

To understand why comparison is so powerful, we need to look back to our evolutionary past. Humans evolved as social animals. Our ancestors depended on group living for survival, for protection, cooperation, and access to resources. Within those groups, status and belonging were key. Comparing ourselves to others helped us determine where we fit in, who to learn from, and how to improve our own standing (Gilbert, Price, & Allan, 1995).

From an evolutionary perspective, comparison was adaptive. Observing others’ skills and behaviours helped early humans learn faster and coordinate socially. Social comparison, in this sense, was a tool for learning and social cohesion, not self-criticism.

Psychologically, comparison serves several functions:

• Self-evaluation: understanding our abilities relative to others (Festinger, 1954).

  
  

• Self-improvement: using others as role models to guide our own growth (Collins, 1996).

  
  

• Self-enhancement — comparing downward to feel better about ourselves (Wills, 1981).

  
  

The problem today is that this ancient mechanism, once limited to small social groups, now operates in a world of global visibility. We’re no longer comparing ourselves with a handful of people in our tribe, but with hundreds or thousands online. What evolved as a survival mechanism has become a psychological stressor.

The Amplifying Effect of Social Media

If Festinger could see today’s world of constant digital exposure, he’d likely view it as a social comparison minefield. Research consistently shows that social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok magnify opportunities for comparison, often with harmful effects.

A large-scale study by Vogel et al. (2014) found that frequent Facebook use is associated with lower self-esteem and life satisfaction, largely due to upward social comparisons. People tend to present idealised versions of their lives online, filtered, curated, and stripped of imperfection. The result is what researchers call “comparison distortion”, we end up comparing our behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reel (Chou & Edge, 2012).

For athletes, students, and professionals alike, this can fuel unrealistic expectations. When others’ achievements are constantly visible, our own progress can feel insufficient. Even in sport, social comparison has been linked to higher anxiety and burnout, and lower intrinsic motivation (Buunk et al., 2001). But social media isn’t inherently the problem, it’s our unexamined relationship with social media that matters.

Comparison in Sport: The Double-Edged Sword

Sport is one of the most fertile grounds for comparison, and for good reason. Results are public, rankings are explicit, and success is often defined by outperforming others. From a young age, athletes are conditioned to measure themselves through external standards: times, scores, medals, or selection lists.

In many ways, comparison is woven into the fabric of sport. It can serve as a motivator, a healthy benchmark to push performance forward. Upward comparison can inspire athletes to raise their standards, model the habits of elite performers, and refine their own craft (Lockwood & Kunda, 1997). Watching a rival excel can, at times, spark productive motivation.

However, when comparison becomes chronic or self-critical, it can turn toxic. Research shows that athletes who fixate excessively on others’ performance often experience increased anxiety, self-doubt, and burnout (Hammond, Gialloreto, Kubas, & Davis, 2013).

In particular:

• In training, constant comparison can undermine learning. Instead of focusing on technical feedback, athletes may become overly concerned with how they “stack up,” leading to distraction and perfectionism.

  
  

• In competition, it fuels pressure. The mind drifts to others’ scores, to external evaluation, or to imagined judgment, all of which draw focus away from controllable processes.

  
  

Achievement goal theory helps explain this dynamic. When athletes define success through ego orientation (outperforming others), they experience more anxiety and less intrinsic motivation. Conversely, task orientation (self-referenced improvement) promotes mastery, enjoyment, and persistence (Duda & Nicholls, 1992).

In essence: comparison is inevitable in sport, but its direction and focus determine whether it lifts you up or pulls you down.

Why Comparison Sabotages Performance

From a performance standpoint, excessive comparison distracts attention from the one thing that actually matters: your own process.

When energy is spent measuring up to others, we risk slipping into ego orientation, where success is defined by outperforming others, rather than task orientation, which focuses on mastery, effort, and improvement. Research shows that ego orientation is associated with greater performance anxiety and less enjoyment (Pensgaard & Roberts, 2003).

In contrast, athletes and performers who adopt a task-oriented focus, comparing themselves only to their past selves, report higher satisfaction and greater persistence, even when outcomes don’t go their way.

Comparison also sabotages wellbeing through self-discrepancy, the gap between who we are and who we think we should be. When this gap widens through constant upward comparison, it often triggers feelings of inadequacy, guilt, or shame (Higgins, 1987).

Practical Tools to Shift the Habit

Escaping the comparison trap isn’t about suppressing the instinct altogether, it’s about redirecting it. Here are several evidence-based strategies to help you do just that.

1. Try a “Comparison Detox”

Research by Tromholt (2016) showed that participants who quit Facebook for just one week reported significantly higher life satisfaction and positive emotions. You don’t have to disappear entirely, but experiment with a 14-day social media detox: unfollow accounts that trigger comparison, limit screen time, and pay attention to how your mood shifts.

2. Set Self-Referenced Goals

Rather than asking “Am I better than them?”, try “Am I better than I was last week?” Setting goals based on your own growth fosters intrinsic motivation and resilience. This approach aligns with self-determination theory, which highlights competence and autonomy as key to wellbeing (Deci & Ryan, 2000).

For example, instead of aiming to “beat my teammate’s score,” set a goal like “execute my pre-shot routine consistently.” You’ll anchor your progress in controllable actions, not outcomes.

3. Focus on Process-Based Metrics

Track what you do, not just what you achieve. Whether in training, study, or work, measure effort, focus, or recovery rather than comparing final results. Research in performance psychology repeatedly shows that process-based metrics reduce anxiety and promote sustained motivation (Gould & Udry, 1994).

4. Practise Gratitude

Gratitude acts as an antidote to comparison by shifting attention from what’s missing to what’s present. Studies show that daily gratitude journaling can boost happiness and reduce envy (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Each evening, note three things that went well, however small, a training breakthrough, a kind word, or even a good meal.

5. Use Compassionate Self-Talk

When you catch yourself comparing, pause and acknowledge the thought without judgment. Then ask, “What would I say to a friend who felt this way?” Self-compassion, as defined by Kristin Neff (2003), is treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and care that you would offer a close friend when faced with failure, pain, or inadequacy, reduces negative affect and fosters greater motivation after setbacks.

The 14-Day Social Media Experiment

If you want to experience this shift firsthand, here’s a simple experiment:

• Step 1: Unfollow or mute accounts that consistently make you feel “less than.”

• Step 2: Set a 15-minute daily limit on social media.

• Step 3: Each evening, reflect on your mood and energy levels.

• Step 4: Write down one thing you’re proud of that day, something based on effort, not outcome.

  
  

After two weeks, note any differences in focus, mood, or self-confidence. You might be surprised by how much lighter your mind feels when it’s no longer weighed down by endless comparisons.

Final Thoughts

Comparison is part of being human. It’s how we learn, grow, and orient ourselves socially. But in a world of constant exposure, it’s easy to let that instinct spiral into self-criticism and dissatisfaction.

The key is to own your reference point. Instead of measuring success by others’ achievements, anchor it in your own values, effort, and progress. That’s where genuine satisfaction, and sustainable performance truly begins.

References

• Buunk, B. P., Peiró, J. M., & Griffioen, C. (2001). A positive and a negative side of social comparison among athletes. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27(3), 343–354.

  
  

• Chou, H. T. G., & Edge, N. (2012). “They are happier and having better lives than I am”: The impact of Facebook on perceptions of others’ lives. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 15(2), 117–121.

  
  

• Collins, R. L. (1996). For better or worse: The impact of upward social comparison on self-evaluations. Psychological Bulletin, 119(1), 51–69.

  
  

• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits: Human needs and self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.

  
  

• Duda, J. L., & Nicholls, J. G. (1992). Dimensions of achievement motivation in schoolwork and sport. Journal of Educational Psychology, 84(3), 290–299.

  
  

• Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.

  
  

• Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140.

  
  

• Gilbert, P., Price, J., & Allan, S. (1995). Social comparison, social attractiveness and evolution: How might they be related? New Ideas in Psychology, 13(2), 149–165.

  
  

• Gould, D., & Udry, E. (1994). Psychological skills for enhancing performance: Arousal regulation strategies. Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, 26(4), 478–485.

  
  

• Hammond, T., Gialloreto, C., Kubas, H., & Davis, H. (2013). The prevalence of perfectionism and anxiety in athletes: A review. Journal of Clinical Sport Psychology, 7(1), 1–21.

  
  

• Higgins, E. T. (1987). Self-discrepancy: A theory relating self and affect. Psychological Review, 94(3), 319–340.

  
  

• Lockwood, P., & Kunda, Z. (1997). Superstars and me: Predicting the impact of role models on the self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(1), 91–103.

  
  

• Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.

  
  

• Pensgaard, A. M., & Roberts, G. C. (2003). Achievement goal theory and the use of motivational climate interventions in sport. Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, 15(1), 16–36.

  
  

• Tromholt, M. (2016). The Facebook experiment: Quitting Facebook leads to higher well-being. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 19(11), 661–666.

  
  

• Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206–222.

  
  

• Wills, T. A. (1981). Downward comparison principles in social psychology. Psychological Bulletin, 90(2), 245–271.